Monday, August 13, 2012

Run, run, run.

I think I've finally burned my brain out.  I woke up today, tired and wanting nothing else but sleep.  I was a sleep zombie, "SSSSSLEEEEP!"  I took a 4 hour nap on the couch and woke up feeling a lot better.  I'm tired of thinking so much about running and my knee.  It's been waiting to run, running, failing, waiting again for the pain to go away while spending endless hours researching...  All while watching the kids, cooking and cleaning.  Oh, and the occasional bath and blow dry.

I'm tired.  I only foam rolled once today.  My shoulders and torso are sore and I'm not seeing any results.  That's a lie, the knee pain goes away immediately.  It just reminds me that I'm ok to walk and live but not to run *MEGA SAD FACE*.

I feel like I'm done for and have to constantly tell myself that it is a bad attitude to have.  "Fuck that," I tell myself.  "Be positive," I reply.  It goes on and on.  Yes, I'm crazy.

I'm not sure when I'll get back to running.  I'm not sure how long to tell myself to wait til my next try.  I'm thinking of sneaking out with the credit card and finding a doctor.  I don't want to go there.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

First run, new run.

Well, fuck.  I did Stage 1 of the "Return to Running Program" from and with only 30 seconds of jogging and 4.5 minutes of walking, it was draining.  Not physically, but on my mind, it was torture.  I did it and told myself over and over that in order to place, I needed to revamps my running ways.  I'm a firm believer of things "happening for a reason" and have started to just let things happen as they may.  I think this is a blessing in disguise.

Slow and steady!

I have added yoga, weights, foam rolling, and stretching to my routine.  None of those activities were the major focus before, I used to just RUN and come back home trying to stretch at least 10 seconds per muscle leg.  It all spelled injury but never really hit me until now, when I have to run 30 seconds out of 5 minutes.  Awesome!

We visited my MIL and BIL around noon and my food intake just keeps getting worse and worse.  My knee hurt and it made me feel like saying "FUCK IT ALL!" so food it was instead.  We've ordered pizza.  It's one bad choice after another.  If I'm to run and not get injured, I need to sleep more and eat better food. Doesn't matter right now, but tomorrow will be a kick in the butt and a slap in the face.

There's no more junk food in the house, it's all gone so I have to go grocery shopping and will bring stuff I like.  Stuff that makes me feel healthy inside and out, good stuff.  Stuff that will make me run sooner.

I followed up my achey knee (which stopped hurting after foam rolling my quads/ITB) with yoga for hips, hamstrings and back.  My legs felt nice and loose.  I'll have to repeat that video, it's only 25 minutes and helps with my flexibility.  My right hip felt a lot more flexible than for these past few days.  I have been stretching like a madwoman.

I just want things to pay off and not get worse!

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Too. Much. Food.

Which usually equals the amount of anxiety control at the moment... I have been feeling like I'm submerged in water and the more I swim to get to the surface, the more I sink.  Not to be dramatic, but there's no other feeling that comes close.  It's an ordered and structured swim but at times gets shaky and desperate.  This happens when the kids are ready to hit the sack and have their last bouts of energy.

Running seemed to lessen the force of anxiety by giving me a routine.  There were schedules to follow and yes, e/thing seemed to revolve about running but that was a good thing.  Running isn't a human being that will be hurt if I don't pay enough attention, but it will give me endless gifts if I focus on it.  I could place blame on it and not feel guilty.  It was a perfect relationship.

No fear, tomorrow marks my first honest attempt at getting back to running without knee pain.  I have not foam rolled today and just realized it's hips/butt/inner thighs days but the night is not over.  My shoulders, core and arms are sore because there has been a lot of new use added to them since foam rolling hurts like a bitch unless you carry your weight off the muscle knot.  You have to ease into it, you really, really, really have to ease into it.

I'm meeting up with one of the running groups I belong to online.  It's an early 7 a.m. run that's around 20 minutes away from home but it'll be 4 other ladies and hopefully fun.  I'm doing Stage 1 from

Baby steps!

There are 18 stages and one final 20 minute run.  A 20 minute run!  I am hoping there is no pain tomorrow, I am planning on thoroughly warming up and stretching before my first run.  It's a new running life!!!

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Tired of complaining.

It's my blog, so I can write about whatever I want (YAY, America!) but I'm SOOOO tired of complaining about my stupid knee.  I wish I were working and able to spend major bucks trying to get this thing fixed or at least told it was nothing and to STFU about it.

My husband is tired of it, I'm tired of it.  The kids are tired of no walks at the park.  I'm so wishing I hadn't started running again.  It's like falling in love only knowing he has to move away.  It would've been better never to meet.  Yes, I'm comparing my loss of running to a horrible love story.  I fell in love and now I'm worried I made the wrong choice but "TOO FUCKING LATE," says my heart.  I need a run, can you tell?

I've been foam rolling my entire leg for a few days now and focusing on my IT band since yesterday night.  I found out that (DUH!) a tight ITB can make your knee hurt.  No shit, I have never stretched it or warmed it up.  It's not listed under my searches for "MUSCLES USED WHILE RUNNING" so why worry about it, amIright?  Nope, dummy.  That's why you get to sit around wishing you could run with the wind.  *sigh*

I can feel the ginormous knots on both legs, but the right one's super tight.  It runs all along the sides of my legs, why did I never notice??  Why, oh, why!

I felt my knee somewhat release after I stretched the ITB yesterday and foam rolled it a couple of times.  I have also repeated this over three times today.  I even did two videos on yoga for runners.  You know, ALL the things I should've done to avoid this stupid injury.  It never even got swollen!!  I mean, it should've gone away by now but I haven't been doing my leg work.  Heh, get it.

I have hips/butt/inner thighs exercises planned for tonight and more foam rolling.  I just want this to go away so I can go back to being happy.  I miss running.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Not running yet.

Update on the knee injury that may not actually be a knee injury... it hurts.  It's been almost a week since I ran and the knee is still being a bitch.  It only hurts when I lift it above my thigh (getting out of the tub) and sometimes when I sit too long.  I have been foam rolling again and got a massage stick.  Doesn't sound like a great name for something that feels soooo good.  It looks like this:

Yep, totally me.  That's how I massage, fierceness with e/stroke.

I've been using it on my husband's back and calves.  I don't know why he doesn't foam roll, all the cool kids do it.  Once I massage my outer quads, the knee pain disappears.  I'm thinking they're related, right?  I wish I could see a doctor for free and a nice physical therapist who would pity me and give me free sessions.  

I've been doing inner thigh, butt and hip strengthening exercises for a week now.  They're ok, don't really see that much of a difference but I can't spend as much time on them as I wish I could... the kids like to climb on me.  We're moving in two months, there's other stuff to do.

I miss running, no doubt about that.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

"It's not starting over...

It's starting stronger."  Yeah, that's what I kept telling myself as I went through my pre-run ritual.  Sunscreen, hair clip, tight capris, tight race shirt, socks, shoes, heart rate strap and watch.  I didn't want to get too excited, I didn't know what I'd do if my third try failed.  I'd die, that's what would happen.  Maybe not that dramatic, but I'd be angry and bitchy for weeks.

Anyway, here it is.  It's only a mile but it was a beautiful hot one!  All I kept thinking was how much I had missed it.  Not even the heat could make me stop.

Pure happiness.

My mother tagged along with the kids in the stroller.  They walked around the park while I prayed in my head for my knee to stay quiet.  So far so good!  I warmed up with almost 3/4 of a mile and ran at an easy pace.  We then walked back and I came home to stretch.  A real stretch, 30-60 seconds per move on each leg.  I think it's a good step forward!

I don't know if we're ready (the knee and I) to start an actual training program again.  The race in December is not an issue, it won't be the last race and I know I won't come in first place anyway so there's no worries.  I'm just happy I can wake up early for a reason again!!!!  I could not be happier.

Strength training moves for my knee tomorrow.  Maybe I'll run again in two days.  I don't want to anger the knee.  And maybe I shouldn't celebrate until tomorrow if there's no knee pain during the night or later on... I pray there won't be.