Run, run, run.

I think I've finally burned my brain out.  I woke up today, tired and wanting nothing else but sleep.  I was a sleep zombie, "SSSSSLEEEEP!"  I took a 4 hour nap on the couch and woke up feeling a lot better.  I'm tired of thinking so much about running and my knee.  It's been waiting to run, running, failing, waiting again for the pain to go away while spending endless hours researching...  All while watching the kids, cooking and cleaning.  Oh, and the occasional bath and blow dry.

I'm tired.  I only foam rolled once today.  My shoulders and torso are sore and I'm not seeing any results.  That's a lie, the knee pain goes away immediately.  It just reminds me that I'm ok to walk and live but not to run *MEGA SAD FACE*.

I feel like I'm done for and have to constantly tell myself that it is a bad attitude to have.  "Fuck that," I tell myself.  "Be positive," I reply.  It goes on and on.  Yes, I'm crazy.

I'm not sure when I'll get back to running.  I'm not sure how long to tell myself to wait til my next try.  I'm thinking of sneaking out with the credit card and finding a doctor.  I don't want to go there.

Tired of complaining.

It's my blog, so I can write about whatever I want (YAY, America!) but I'm SOOOO tired of complaining about my stupid knee.  I wish I were working and able to spend major bucks trying to get this thing fixed or at least told it was nothing and to STFU about it.

My husband is tired of it, I'm tired of it.  The kids are tired of no walks at the park.  I'm so wishing I hadn't started running again.  It's like falling in love only knowing he has to move away.  It would've been better never to meet.  Yes, I'm comparing my loss of running to a horrible love story.  I fell in love and now I'm worried I made the wrong choice but "TOO FUCKING LATE," says my heart.  I need a run, can you tell?

I've been foam rolling my entire leg for a few days now and focusing on my IT band since yesterday night.  I found out that (DUH!) a tight ITB can make your knee hurt.  No shit, I have never stretched it or warmed it up.  It's not listed under my searches for "MUSCLES USED WHILE RUNNING" so why worry about it, amIright?  Nope, dummy.  That's why you get to sit around wishing you could run with the wind.  *sigh*

I can feel the ginormous knots on both legs, but the right one's super tight.  It runs all along the sides of my legs, why did I never notice??  Why, oh, why!

I felt my knee somewhat release after I stretched the ITB yesterday and foam rolled it a couple of times.  I have also repeated this over three times today.  I even did two videos on yoga for runners.  You know, ALL the things I should've done to avoid this stupid injury.  It never even got swollen!!  I mean, it should've gone away by now but I haven't been doing my leg work.  Heh, get it.

I have hips/butt/inner thighs exercises planned for tonight and more foam rolling.  I just want this to go away so I can go back to being happy.  I miss running.